120 Emotional Self-Regulation Ideas for Kids

What’s inside this article: A look at different forms of emotional regulation, how to choose strategies that are effective for your child(ren), and a list of 120 emotional regulation ideas to inspire you to find effective techniques.

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Emotional dysregulation means that an emotional response does not fall within the conventionally accepted range of emotive responses.

In other words, your kid is literally losing their S*&# because you gave them the wrong color socks today.

Emotional Self-Regulation and Dysregulation

When our kids are not well regulated, they start to “act out,” and you see “behaviors.” Basically, they just don’t have the skills to manage or express their emotions on their own.

Actually, there’s a good chance that they don’t even know what the emotion they’re feeling is.  You can’t cope with something that you can’t even label or understand.

But good news! You can teach emotional self-regulation skills. This post contains a ton of strategies to do just that.

Types of Emotional Regulation

There are actually two types of emotional regulation. These are mutual regulation (sometimes called co-regulation) and self-regulation.

Mutual Regulation

Mutual regulation (or co-regulation) means your child needs YOU to help them regulate their emotions. When they’re upset, you need to soothe them and help them calm down. They can not use healthy coping strategies on their own.

Most kids are dependent upon mutual regulation some, if not all, of the time. Even adults rely on mutual regulation; for example, we seek comfort from our spouses or friends when we’re upset.

Does your child come to you when they need help regulating? Or do you need to recognize behavioral cues and be proactive?

Self-Regulation

Self-regulation means your child can calm down and cope with their emotions all on their own. They can walk away from a frustrating situation. They can take deep breaths to calm down and return to an activity.

Your child may even recover from a meltdown on their own.

There’s a developmental trajectory of milestones your child will meet as their self-regulation skills develop.

First will be mutual regulation, with you responding to their cues. Next, they’ll initiate the mutual regulation. Then, some self-regulation skills emerge with you modeling the right strategies.

Over time, as skills develop, your child will start being able to recover from meltdowns sooner, and they will be less intense.

Choosing Emotional Regulation Strategies that Work for You

First, figure out where your child currently sits on the developmental trajectory of emotional self-regulation skills.

You need to know this when you’re picking what strategies are going to work best for you.

There are actually three things you need to consider when you’re deciding which emotional regulation strategies to teach and use.

1. Developmentally Appropriate

First of all, choose strategies that are appropriate for your child’s current level of ability. All kids are unique with their own strengths and weaknesses and unique emotional regulation needs.

2. Functional

You need to choose strategies that are functional. What I mean by this is – your kid needs to be able to use them when they need them during their regular day-to-day routine.

Where does your child spend most of their time? Home, school, the playground? When choosing coping strategies think – will they be able to practice those strategies in these environments when they need to?

3. Align with Family Values

This one is more so for care providers and educators. If you’re teaching or caring for a child with autism or ADHD, you need to make sure that any strategies you teach that child are consistent with the family’s priorities and values.

Parents and educators must work as a team at all times to provide consistency. Having constant communication and an open line to sharing information is the key to success.

Special Contexts

These are just a few other things to think about as you choose emotional regulation strategies that will encourage healthy coping skills for your child.

These are in no particular order but are here to make you think about how your child’s emotional regulation is affected by different scenarios. How is your child affected by the following:

• Group sizes? Large or small
• New environment vs. familiar environment?
• Familiar caregiver vs. unfamiliar caregiver?
• When feeling sick or tired?
• When feeling hungry?
• Can they transition well? Think – how would your child react if they were engaged in a fun activity and suddenly had to stop to sit in their chair for a snack?

Keeping in mind how these different contexts can affect your child, you may choose different strategies and supports depending on the situation.

Emotional Self-Regulation Strategies

Mutual Regulation Strategies

1. Play mindfulness games (check out these activity cards)
2. Model calm behavior
3. Model the self-regulation strategies you want to teach
4. Set up opportunities for success
5. Use more positive reinforcement
6. Have a consistent daily routine
7. Have a bedtime routine
8. Offer a break
9. Offer choices
10. Have a break box available
11. Remove triggers
12. Have a visual schedule
13. Offer a snack
14. Offer a drink
15. Do a movement break – see: 15 fun workouts for kids
16. Read a story
17. Give a hug
18. Match their language
19. Get on their level, see the situation from their shoes
20. Use these sensory diet cards together
21. Use a timer
22. Try using a first-then statement
23. Give a compliment
24. Hold their hand
25. Offer a sensory item like a weighted lap pad, or a resistance tunnel
26. Diffuse calming essential oils
27. Just ask “What would help you right now?”
28. Talk about something they like
29. Take them for a walk
30. Offer solutions
31. Remove the audience
32. Visualization – Close your eyes and imagine your favorite place
33. Ask them to draw you a picture
34. Have a reward system for positive behavior
35. Squish them – get your child to lie on the floor and squish them by rolling an exercise ball over them.
36. Use a massager
37. Use a therapy brush
38. Talk about feelings and size of the problem
39. Use the feelings check-in sheet
40. Say, “It makes sense that you feel _____________”
41. Say, in a calm voice, “You are safe right now.”
42. Create some sensory bins
43. Get them to blow pom-poms around the table or through a maze with a straw
44. Create a social story
45. Talk about upcoming transitions ahead of time
46. Rock them calmly
47. Wrap them in a weighted blanket
48. Turn on the music and have an impromptu dance party
49. Ask them to help you with something they’re good at
50. Offer to do the task together
51. Stop talking or making demands
52. Use physical reinforcers like stickers or candy
53. Take a Time-In in a calm-down corner
54. Use these fun brain break cards (free printable)

Self-Regulation Strategies

1. Take deep breaths
2. Think of something that makes you laugh
3. Go for a walk
4. Slowly count backward from 10
5. Squeeze a stress ball as hard as you can (Read: Do stress balls actually work?)
6. Swing on the swings
7. Draw a picture of something that makes you happy
8. Write a letter
9. Listen to music
10. Play with play-doh
11. Talk to a grown-up
12. Talk to a friend
13. Color a picture
14. Use positive affirmations
15. Make a list of things that you love
16. Close your eyes and think about your favorite place
17. Read a book
18. Rip up paper
19. Scream into a pillow
20. Do some yoga
21. Ask for a hug
22. Hug your favorite stuffed animal
23. Spend time with a pet
24. Watch funny videos
25. Identify your emotions
26. Write your feelings down
27. Tell someone how you’re feeling
28. Ask for help
29. Hang upside down
30. Chew a piece of gum
31. Build with Lego
32. Bounce on a therapy ball
33. Do ten jumping jacks
34. Snuggle with your favorite blanket
35. Blow bubbles
36. Make funny faces in the mirror
37. Pop bubble wrap
38. Sing your favorite song
39. Dance
40. Look through a photo album
41. Make jewelry with beads and pipe cleaner
42. Watch a calm-down bottle
43. Watch a lava lamp
44. Doodle
45. Use a fidget toy
46. Go outside
47. Turn off the lights and look at something that glows in the dark
48. Get some sleep
49. Have a healthy snack
50. Daydream about the perfect day
51. Help someone else
52. Watch the clouds
53. Jump on a trampoline
54. Play with a hula hoop
55. Write a love letter to yourself
56. Punch your pillow
57. Play with a Rubik’s cube
58. Keep a comforting object with you
59. Use a scratch art doodle pad
60. Shake up a snow globe and watch it settle
61. Look through a kaleidoscope
62. Draw with an etch-a-sketch
63. Look at photos of family
64. Write in a positivity journal
65. Watch your favorite movie
66. Do a sticker-by-number art
67. Rub your thumb on a chakra worry stone

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Remember, these are not strategies to use in succession, nor will these ideas all work with all kids.

These lists are more like a brainstorm of ideas to help you discover new ways to help your child(ren) regulate their emotions.

Take away from this list what is helpful for you and share it to help others.

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