What’s inside this article: A look at why parental regulation and self-care are crucial for both you and your child, with easy-to-implement tips to help you take better care of yourself.
As parents, we spend most of our time focusing on our kids and their needs. It’s natural and deeply rooted in our love for them. However, prioritizing our children doesn’t mean we should neglect our own needs.
In fact, taking care of ourselves is an essential part of being the best parents we can be.
For parents of neurodivergent children, this is especially critical. Many of us live in a near-constant state of survival mode, dealing with challenges that can create a cycle of stress and dysregulation—for both us and our children.
If we’re chronically dysregulated, it doesn’t just take a toll on us; it directly affects our children’s emotional regulation, too. This is why prioritizing our well-being is not selfish but necessary.
This article explores why self-care and parental regulation are essential for you and your child and how making small, intentional changes can create a positive ripple effect in your family.
The Importance of Parental Regulation
Parental regulation is necessary for co-regulation, which is the foundation for teaching self-regulation to your children.
Neurodivergent children, in particular, often rely on co-regulation as a key tool to remain or return to baseline in their daily experiences.
If we’re dysregulated, our children can sense it—they mirror our stress, frustration, or exhaustion. Conversely, when we are calm and centered, we provide a safe, grounding presence that helps them regulate, too.
Parenting is inherently challenging, but when we’re dealing with meltdowns, sensory overload, or other neurodivergent challenges, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Living in survival mode may seem like the only option, but it’s not sustainable. Chronic dysregulation can lead to burnout, and as hard as it is to admit, it diminishes our ability to support our children effectively.
Why Your Health and Happiness Matter
When you prioritize your health, you’re not just taking care of yourself—you’re modeling healthy habits and emotional resilience for your children.
Children are deeply intuitive. They pick up on our energy, mood, and stress levels. A dysregulated parent can inadvertently create an environment where stress becomes the norm.
But a regulated, emotionally grounded parent sets a foundation for a happier, healthier family dynamic.
Happiness and self-regulation in parents create a ripple effect. If we’re calm, it’s easier to respond to challenges thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. This doesn’t just make parenting easier—it helps us build a deeper connection with our children, allowing us to guide them through their own emotional ups and downs.
Tips to Take Better Care of Yourself
Here are some practical, evidence-based steps to prioritize your well-being and break the cycle of dysregulation:
Acknowledge Survival Mode
The first step to better regulation is recognizing if you’re stuck in survival mode. Survival mode is a state where you’re operating on autopilot, just trying to get through each day.
It’s common among parents of neurodivergent children, who often face relentless challenges and busy schedules, from managing meltdowns to advocating for their child’s needs.
Take a moment to reflect on your daily routines and emotions:
- Do you start the day already feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or dreading the tasks ahead?
- Do you find yourself feeling irritable, reactive, or overly sensitive to minor stressors?
- Are you skipping meals, forgetting to drink water, or sacrificing sleep to keep up with responsibilities?
- Do you struggle to find moments of happiness or feel like you’re just “getting through the day”?
- Are you so focused on tasks and responsibilities that you’ve lost touch with your feelings, goals, or needs?
- Do you feel too drained to connect with friends, your partner, or even your children in meaningful ways?
- Do you feel like you’re always in crisis management, constantly reacting to problems instead of feeling like you’re proactively addressing life’s demands?
Acknowledging survival mode doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re human.
Recognizing that you’re in this state is empowering. It allows you to pause, take a deep breath, and begin the journey toward better regulation.
Start by giving yourself permission to prioritize your well-being—you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Explore Your Own Neurodivergence
For many parents of neurodivergent children, the daily demands of caregiving can feel overwhelming. What’s often overlooked is that a significant number of these parents may also be neurodivergent themselves—frequently undiagnosed, high-masking, and coping with chronic burnout.
Understanding your own neurodivergence can be transformative, both for your well-being and your parenting journey.
If you’ve ever wondered whether you might also be neurodivergent, consider reaching out to Prosper Health. They provide neuroaffirming care through virtual appointments, offering diagnostic services and therapy tailored for adults. This step can help you uncover important insights about your brain, needs, and strengths, allowing you to build more effective strategies for self-care and emotional regulation.
Addressing your neurodivergence is about more than just answers—it’s about prioritizing long-term mental health and resilience. By taking care of yourself in this way, you’re not only improving your own quality of life but also modeling the importance of self-awareness and proactive care for your child.
Recognize Your Triggers
Stress triggers can sneak up on us, often hiding in the daily chaos. For parents of neurodivergent children, triggers might include sensory overload, unplanned changes, or even minor but persistent frustrations like clutter or lack of downtime.
Take time to reflect on the situations or behaviors that leave you feeling agitated or overwhelmed. Is it the morning rush before school? Or the constant noise in your household? Identifying these triggers is the first step to managing them effectively.
Once you know your triggers, you can create strategies to reduce their impact. For example, if mornings are chaotic, consider making a visual schedule to streamline the routine. If noise overwhelms you, noise-canceling headphones or designating quiet times in your day can help.
Prioritize Sleep
Sleep is super important for emotional and physical health. Yet, for many parents, it’s the first thing sacrificed in the chaos of life. Chronic sleep deprivation, however, exacerbates dysregulation, making it harder to cope with stress and support your child effectively.
To improve your sleep, consider creating a bedtime routine. This might include dimming the lights an hour before bed, avoiding screens, and engaging in relaxing activities like reading or deep breathing exercises.
If you struggle to find uninterrupted sleep, ask for support from your partner or loved ones to ensure you get the rest you need.
Stay Hydrated
Dehydration can affect your energy levels, digestion, and even your ability to think clearly. Yet, it’s easy to overlook something as simple as drinking enough water when you’re busy parenting.
Keep a water bottle nearby as a visual reminder. Aim to drink a glass of water with each meal or whenever you feel tired or sluggish—it might be your body’s way of signaling dehydration.
Exercise Regularly
Exercise is a powerful tool for improving both your physical and mental health. It doesn’t have to mean hitting the gym or committing to an intense regimen. Even short bursts of movement, like a brisk walk around your neighborhood, can make a significant difference.
Exercise releases endorphins, which improve mood and help regulate your stress response. Regular movement also boosts your energy levels, improves sleep quality, and supports your overall well-being.
Find Micro-Moments of Calm
In a busy household, finding extended periods of solitude can feel impossible. That’s where micro-moments come in.
These are small, intentional pauses to reset your mind and body during your day.
Try a five-minute mindfulness exercise while your child plays, or take a few deep breaths before responding to a stressful situation. Even sipping a warm cup of tea before you wake up the kids in the morning or stepping outside for fresh air can help you ground yourself in the present moment.
Establish Personal Time
As a parent, carving out personal time might feel indulgent—but it’s essential. Personal time allows you to reconnect with yourself, recharge, and return to your family with renewed energy.
This doesn’t have to mean hours away from your family. It could be 15 minutes in the morning to journal, an evening walk, or a weekly hobby class.
These moments are investments in your well-being, helping you show up as the best version of yourself for your child.
Lean on Your Village
Parenting, especially in the context of neurodivergence, isn’t meant to be a solo endeavor. Build your village by reaching out to friends, family, or community groups who understand and support your journey.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Whether it’s someone to babysit for an hour or a trusted friend to talk to, leaning on your support network can relieve stress and provide fresh perspectives.
Celebrate Small Wins
When you’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to focus on what’s not going well.
Shift your perspective by celebrating small wins—yours and your child’s.
Did you manage to stay calm during a meltdown? Did your child try a new food or complete a challenging task?
Acknowledging these victories, no matter how small, can boost your confidence and resilience.
Remember, progress is a series of small steps. Celebrate each one as it comes, and let those moments fuel your motivation moving forward.
Becoming the Best Parent You Can Be
Caring for yourself is one of the most selfless things you can do as a parent. By addressing your own needs, you’re breaking the cycle of survival mode and paving the way for co-regulation and emotional growth for you and your child.
When your children see you prioritizing self-care, they learn it’s okay to take care of themselves, too. This modeling is invaluable, especially for neurodivergent kids struggling with self-awareness and self-regulation.
Ultimately, a regulated, healthy parent can create the calm, nurturing environment children need to thrive.
Taking steps to care for yourself today is an investment in your family’s happiness and success tomorrow.