What to Do When Attention-Seeking Becomes Disruptive

What’s inside this article: You don’t need a parenting “strategy” or a behavior intervention to “fix” attention-seeking. Connection, and therefore attention, is a human need. This article looks at 10 ways to connect and make your child feel important, effectively reducing “negative attention seeking”.

Kids who “seek attention” are asking for something essential: to be seen, heard, and valued.

This is not a bad thing.

The need for attention is wired into our brains. It’s tied to connection and emotional safety.

When kids aren’t getting enough connection in positive ways, they’ll try in other ways—interrupting, whining, yelling, acting out. The behavior isn’t the problem. It’s the signal.

You don’t have to ignore attention-seeking behavior to make it stop. That doesn’t teach better behavior. It teaches your child that their needs will be ignored if they aren’t expressed the “right” way.

Giving positive attention works better. It’s evidence-based, it’s neuroaffirming, and it builds healthier relationships.

Recognizing Bids for Connection

Not all bids for your attention are loud or disruptive.

Some kids will yell, interrupt, or climb on the furniture. Others might ask for help with things they already know how to do—like putting on their socks or zipping a coat—just to get a moment of your time.

These aren’t “manipulative” behaviors. They’re creative ways to say, “I need you.”

Children may:

• Repeatedly say “watch this!” while doing the same trick over and over
• Call you back to their room with one more request after bedtime
• Interrupt your phone call or TV show with urgent questions
• Start arguments or act out when your focus shifts away from them

These behaviors aren’t about being “bad.” They’re about being seen.

When a child feels overlooked or disconnected, even negative attention can feel better than none at all.

Why Positive Attention Works

When you consistently notice and respond to your child’s positive behavior, you encourage more of it.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention explains this clearly: any behavior followed by attention is more likely to happen again—whether it’s positive or negative. That means the more attention you give to things like kindness, effort, and patience, the more your child will show those behaviors.

The Child Mind Institute also emphasizes that “praising behavior you want to see more of” is more effective than punishing what you don’t. (Child Mind Institute: The Power of Positive Attention)

So, instead of waiting until your child acts out, look for small moments to connect. When kids feel seen, they stop needing to seek that visibility in disruptive ways.

Making your child feel important is the long-term solution. It helps them feel secure, boosts their self-worth, and reduces negative behavior.

What to Do When Attention Seeking Becomes Disruptive

Attention-seeking isn’t something to eliminate—it’s something to understand. But if your child is relying on disruptive or repetitive behaviors to get your attention, there are long-term ways to shift that pattern.

The key is helping them feel connected—even when they don’t have your full focus.

They also need chances to build confidence through independence and trust that they’re still important even when they’re not the center of your attention.

Here’s how you can support that growth over time:

1. Notice the Good—A Lot

Kids repeat the behaviors that get noticed. So if you’re mostly commenting on the hard stuff, that’s what they’ll keep doing.

Instead, look for small moments of cooperation, effort, kindness, or patience—and say something.

This might mean praising things they already do well. That’s okay. In fact, it’s important. You’re reinforcing the identity of “I am the kind of person who helps / listens / tries my best.”

“I saw how you hung your jacket up without being asked. That was helpful.”

“You were really patient while I finished that call. Thank you.”

At first, they may even prompt you—like clearing their throat dramatically while tidying up—to make sure you notice. That’s progress.

2. Give Full Attention When You Can

When your child wants to talk, and you’re able to pause what you’re doing—pause.

Even a few seconds of undivided attention can fill their cup. Eye contact, warmth, and an authentic “I’m listening” can make a huge difference.

And if you’re not available in the moment, it’s okay to say so—just let them know when you’ll reconnect:

“I’m making dinner right now, but I really want to hear about that. Can you tell me while we eat?”

3. Prioritize One-on-One Time

Quality time doesn’t have to be elaborate. It just needs to be intentional.

Ten to fifteen minutes of daily one-on-one time tells your child: You matter to me. I like being with you.

You can play a game, go for a walk, read a book, or just hang out. The goal is to connect—not to correct, teach, or fix anything.

If you have multiple children, individual time matters even more. Kids don’t just want to feel loved as part of the group—they want to know they’re loved for who they are.

4. Build In Quiet Time

It’s healthy for kids to learn how to enjoy being alone, without needing constant entertainment or interaction.

Daily quiet time can help.

Even just 30 minutes of independent play—reading, drawing, listening to music, or building something quietly—gives them space to decompress and builds the skill of being content without direct attention.

It also helps the whole household to slow down and reset.

5. Start the Day with Connection

Busy mornings can set a rushed, disconnected tone—but a few minutes of intentional connection first thing can shift everything.

Snuggle. Chat. Sit together for a snack or a stretch. Say, “I’m so glad you’re mine” before the day pulls you in a million directions.

It doesn’t have to be long. What matters is that they start the day feeling grounded, loved, and noticed.

6. Help Them Feel Important Every Day

When kids feel important, they don’t need to beg for attention. They already have it.

Feeling important means feeling noticed, understood, respected, and truly seen.

This is the most powerful long-term solution.

Below are 10 simple, meaningful ways to show your child they matter—without needing fancy tools or extra time.

Let Them Overhear You Brag About Them

Tell someone else about something your child did well—and do it while they’re within earshot.

Don’t make it a performance. Just speak naturally:

“He handled that whole situation so calmly.“

“She worked really hard on that drawing. I love how creative she is.”

When kids overhear praise, it lands differently. It feels more sincere. It tells them you’re proud of them even when they’re not performing for you.

This builds self-esteem in a quiet, powerful way.

Share Memories From When They Were Babies With Them

Tell your child stories from when they were small.

It reminds them they’ve always mattered.

You can say:

“When you were a baby, you used to fall asleep holding my hand.”

“You said ‘strawbabies‘ instead of strawberries, and it made us laugh every time.”

You can look at photos together or show them videos. Talk about how much they’ve grown. Talk about how proud you are of who they’re becoming.

This kind of storytelling builds connection and identity. It helps your child feel rooted and deeply loved.

Create Family Rituals Together

Rituals give kids predictability and a sense of belonging. But don’t just decide the ritual for them—build it together.

Ask:

• “What’s something fun we could do every week as a family?”
• “Would you like to make a Friday tradition?”
• “What would be a good name for it?”

Let them help choose and name the ritual. Use fun names to make it feel even more special:

• Taco Tuesday
• Sunday Funday
• Waffle Wednesday
• Movie & Muffin Morning
• Friday Night Freeze Dance

Research from the American Psychological Association shows that family rituals support emotional well-being and strengthen family identity—especially during times of stress. (APA: Importance of Family Rituals)

When kids get to help create these traditions, they feel more involved and connected.

Ask for Their Opinions

Kids want to know their thoughts matter.

Ask them:

• “What do you think we should have for dinner?”
• “Do you like this outfit or that one better?”
• “Should we go to the park or the library today?”

You don’t always have to go with their answer. But just asking sends a message: Your ideas count. I respect your thinking.

This builds confidence and teaches decision-making. It also opens up conversations that help you understand how your child sees the world.

Do a Project Together

When you create something side-by-side, it sends a clear message: Your time is valuable to me.

This could be:

• Building a birdhouse or LEGO set
• Painting a wall in their room
• Making decorations for a birthday or holiday
• Creating a scrapbook or memory board
• Growing a mini garden on the porch

Let your child lead where they can. If they want to change the plan, be flexible. The goal isn’t a perfect result.

The goal is to build something together—and have fun doing it.

Make Time to Share Food in a Way That Works for Your Family

Food brings people together—but that doesn’t have to mean formal meals at a table.

Connection can happen anywhere, and routines around eating can still be meaningful without pressure. So, if you don’t have time to sit down for dinner as a family every night, don’t sweat it.

Some options:

• Sitting side-by-side on the couch, eating snacks and watching a show
• Eating picnic-style on the floor or outside
• Letting your child help pick out and prepare part of the meal
• Making a regular “shared snack” moment after school

What matters is that it feels good for both of you. There’s no need for eye contact, deep conversation, or structured routines if those things are draining or stressful.

Even just handing your child a favorite snack with a comment like “I thought of you when I grabbed this” makes them feel seen and important.

This approach is more about showing: I enjoy being near you. I like doing everyday things with you. You’re included, no matter what.

Involve Them in Real-Life “Grown-Up” Tasks

Kids love to be included in “grown-up” things—especially when you show that you trust them to help.

Ideas:

• Let them help cook a meal
• Include them in birthday or holiday planning
• Ask them to help pack for a trip
• Show them how to make a grocery list

Even small tasks like folding laundry or checking the mail can feel meaningful if you treat it like teamwork instead of a chore.

You’re sending the message: You are capable. You belong. You’re a real part of this family.

Start a Shared Hobby

Find something you both enjoy and make it a regular thing.

It could be:

• Building puzzles
• Roller skating
• Reading together
• Drawing comic strips
• Stargazing

The activity isn’t the point—it’s the connection.

Let your child help choose what hobby to try. Rotate if you need to.

The time spent together says: I want to know you. I enjoy you. You matter to me.

Let Them Teach You Something

Switch the roles. Let your child be the expert.

Ask:

• “Can you show me how to beat this level?”
• “How do you make that bracelet?”
• “What do you know about dinosaurs right now?”

Even if it’s something you already know—let them teach you.

Listen like a student. Ask questions. Praise their explanation.

This flips the script. It tells your child: You have something valuable to offer. I respect your knowledge.

Say Yes to Something That’s Not Convenient

Sometimes, the best way to show your child they’re important is to say yes when you don’t feel like it.

“Can we play tag for five minutes?” Yes.

“Will you watch me do my cartwheels again?” Yes.

“Can I stay up ten more minutes to finish this chapter?” Yes.

You don’t have to say yes to everything. But when you can say yes—say it.

Especially when it costs you a little bit of time or effort, that’s when it matters most.

It says: Your happiness is important to me—even when it’s not easy.

You don’t need a parenting “strategy” or a behavior intervention to “fix” attention-seeking.

You need connection.

Time.

Presence.

Respect.

When your child feels important to you, they don’t need to beg for your attention. They already have it.

That’s what changes behavior.

That’s what builds trust.

That’s what makes a kid feel safe, confident, and loved.

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