What’s inside this article: Tips and advice, from first-hand experience, for reducing stress this holiday season for you and your children. These tips were created with children in mind who struggle with sensory processing, social interactions, and unpredictability.
The holiday season can be particularly challenging for parents of children with autism or ADHD. Large family gatherings, the noises, smells, and the company you only see a handful of times each year are a recipe for sensory overload, meltdowns, and unnecessary stress.
The winter holidays should be a time of joy, not stress. My favorite childhood memories include watching Christmas movies, baking with my mom, and decorating the tree with my family.
So, when I found myself at my in-laws’ house, with 20+ people, hiding in the basement and eating dinner with my oldest son, who was overstimulated and couldn’t handle the anxiety and uncertainty of this kind of gathering, I knew changes needed to happen.
I wouldn’t let this become his Christmas memories.
So, here are some tried-and-true strategies for reducing stress over the holidays.
I hope what’s helped me will help you, too.
1. Limit Overstimulation
Limiting overstimulation is crucial for children with autism or ADHD, especially during the holidays when sensory stimuli are often intensified.
Sensory overload leads to challenging behavior and meltdowns because it’s highly overwhelming for your child.
Tips for limiting overstimulation:
- Recognize the Signs: Learn to identify signs of sensory overload in your child, including covering their ears, irritability, restlessness, or withdrawal.
- Know Their Limits: Every child is different. Some are sensitive to sounds, while others might find certain textures or lights overwhelming. Understanding your child’s specific sensitivities is key.
- Monitor and Adjust: Keep a close eye on your child’s behavior and mood. If you notice signs of sensory overload, don’t hesitate to intervene. This might mean stepping into a quieter room or taking a break outside.
- Use Sensory Tools: Equip your child with tools that help manage sensory input. Noise-cancelling headphones can dampen loud sounds, and sunglasses can help with bright lights.
- Limit Crowds: In large family gatherings, limit the number of people your child interacts with at any given time. Smaller, more controlled interactions can be less overwhelming.
- Discuss Plans with Hosts: If attending a party or event, talk to the hosts in advance about your child’s needs. They may be willing to accommodate, like lowering the music volume or dimming lights.
2. Acknowledge that everything doesn’t need to be perfect
Your child isn’t going to remember that you didn’t wrap their gifts in matching paper and bows or that the pie crust was overcooked.
What really matters to them and makes the holidays special is the time spent with the ones closest to them.
Likewise, if you celebrate Christmas, decorate the tree with their homemade ornaments and don’t worry about the aesthetics. Your child will love that you’re putting their creations on display.
Enjoy the time together doing activities and traditions you love, like baking or crafting, and forget about perfection.
3. Set Boundaries with Extended Family
Maybe every year, for the past 25 years, everyone gathered at Grandma’s for a huge dinner, gifts, and drinks. It’s tradition, right?
But, if that doesn’t work for your child or your family, then set that boundary. Tell them you’re unable to attend because your child’s well-being matters more.
It’s unfair to force your child into an uncomfortable situation to please your extended family at the expense of their mental health and emotional well-being. It isn’t even an enjoyable experience for you.
We set those boundaries with our family and instead invited certain family members over to our house at different times over the holidays. They are more than welcome to spend time with us at our home, where my children feel safe and comfortable and have a calm, quiet place to go (their bedrooms) if they need space.
4. Start Planning & Preparing Early
Beginning your holiday preparation early leads to less stress when it’s “crunch time.”
Keeping your own stress level low will help keep your child’s stress level low, too. Your children can sense your emotions and attitudes, and they’ll be affected positively or negatively by how you feel and act over the holidays.
Having lots of time to prepare is an easy way to reduce stress. Shop early, wrap early, and plan meals and gatherings ahead of time.
You will be stressed out if you’re scrambling to do everything at once.
5. Spend Time Outside
Research shows that being outside significantly reduces your cortisol levels, a stress hormone. Nature also boosts endorphin levels and dopamine production, which promotes happiness.
Incorporating outdoor activities into your family’s holiday time can reduce stress for everyone.
Suppose you’re lucky enough to live somewhere with snow. In that case, activities like sledding or building a snowman are great not just because they’re outdoor activities but because they provide heavy work and sensory input, too.
A few outdoor activities we do each year:
- Decorating the outside of our home for Christmas
- Taking a walk in the evening to look at the lights on everybody’s homes
- Outdoor Christmas parades and tree lightings (but be aware of large crowds as a potential trigger)
- Playing in the snow – snow angels, snowmen, sledding, building snow forts, etc.
6. Limit Alcohol Consumption
There is often extra pressure to drink alcoholic beverages over the holidays, especially during get-togethers and celebrations.
Many people find alcohol temporarily relieves their stress. But it also affects your health, and the following day, it doesn’t feel helpful anymore.
Although it’s acceptable to drink in moderation and drink responsibly, it’s also less stressful to prepare for the holidays when you wake up with a clear head and feel your best. You get better quality time with your kids this way, too.
7. Ask Your Child What They Want to Do
When making holiday plans, ask your child what they want to do and involve them in making plans.
Your child is less likely to experience anxiety when they feel like they have control over the situations they’re placed in and know their parents value their opinion.
It also gives an opportunity for your child to introduce your family to new holiday traditions, maybe ideas from other kids at school, that you can all enjoy for years to come.
8. Prepare Your Child Ahead of Time
This is what I call “frontloading”, and it’s a stress-reduction tool I use year-round, but it becomes extra important over the holidays when our daily routines and schedules end up all over the place.
Frontloading involves clearly explaining:
- Where we are going
- Who will be there
- What we’re going to do
- How long we’ll be there
- What things about the situation/event may be challenging or triggers
- Behavior expectations
- What they can do/ where they can go if they feel overwhelmed or stressed
If needed, you can use visual supports or your own social stories and narratives to help your child understand what to expect.
Uncertainty and unpredictability are often the biggest causes of anxiety.
9. Practice Social Scenarios
Practicing social scenarios can help prepare children with autism or ADHD for holiday gatherings and other social events. This involves role-playing various situations they might encounter, which can help reduce anxiety and increase their comfort level in social settings.
Act out different roles with your child. For instance, you could pretend to be a relative meeting them for the first time or a cousin asking to play a game. Encourage your child to respond as they would in the actual situation.
When practicing social scenarios, it’s a good idea to also create and practice a safe exit plan. This is a clear plan for what they can do if they need help or need to exit a situation that becomes too challenging.
10. Downtime and Routine
Children with autism or ADHD thrive on routine and structure. Try to keep their daily schedule as consistent as possible during the holidays, and ensure they have lots of downtime to relax and decompress.
Your child should have a calm, quiet environment between busy holiday activities to relax and destress. Keep demands low during downtime because expectations and social demands are higher than usual during social gatherings.
And, Remember
The best and most important thing you can give your child is your time and your love.
Be there, and spend time making memories with your child that they will cherish for the years to come.
If you’re looking for a new Christmas Tradition that is low-stress and memorable, consider purchasing a kindness elf. These little wooden elves help you count down to Christmas with random acts of kindness both at home and in the community.
It’s a great lesson in gratitude and empathy and gives you new unique ways to spend time with your children.